Thursday, June 6, 2013

The occupants of households past

I was talking to an Irish girl in a hostel once, about room mates. I told her about the rag tag punch of misfits I've lived with in the past few years.
She thought it was great.
So here it goes again.

Morgan - Was a drug user, now a lesbian roller derby player

 I had just finished high school and was desperate to get out of my mothers house. Not being of legal age yet was proving to be a problem in procuring a home. I had worked with this girl named Morgan for about a month, she said she had a spare room. It was great at first, we got along well, we threw awesome themed parties, she let me use her ID. Then she started smoking a lot of pot, she lost her job, didn't get a new one and spent our rent money on weed.
Time in the house - 7 months

Adelle- The crazy Christian

I was desperate when I took the room in this house. I didn't know her, she was advertising online. I had just got back from an overseas trip and couldn't stand living with my mother any more. Adelle was (I presume still is) a strict Christian. She was engaged but didn't live with her fiancé. I have no problem with religion  to each his own, but she used to have her super judgmental bible study group come over every week. But the thing that really earned her place in the lunatic house mate hall of fame was the fact she kept a very large jar of chicken bones on the kitchen table. Something about good luck, wedding, I never really listened. It was gross. 
Time in the house - 8 months

Siobhan, Mark and someone else so forgettable I can't even remember his name.

This house was doomed from the start. I moved in with my friend, her boyfriend and his cousin. Can you pick the odd one out in that situation? It was ok a first, but I moved out after the boys put a dead crab in my bed. Probably  just a joke, but it was the icing on the cake.
Time in the house - 1.5 months

Marty and Ash. 
This house was really fun. I moved in here after having a pretty shitty break up. Ash is one of my best friends and he knew Marty through someone else. Marty was a social worker during the day and a drag queen who went by the name Martini Ice at night. This house was a debaucherous mess and great when you needed a costume for a party.
Time in the house - 7 months

The bat cave - dangerous to your mental health
All good thing must come to an end. With the previous house, Marty reached an age where he wanted to try living by himself so Ash and I moved on. Being poor students we took the first house we were offered with our poor credit history and limited income. We called it the bat cave, it was where dreams went to die. There was staples in the wall like they'd been filming porn in there, a hole in one of the bedrooms, an outside bathroom and no laundry. Oh, and the landlord was an insane devil woman who once woke me up by knocking on my bedroom window.
Time in the house - 9 months

Ash and myself find a friend; Bec the British bitch.
When we got jobs, we got out of the bat cave. We found a nice respectable house near the university. A girl I worked with moved in. It didn't end well. We signed a year long lease, she left after two weeks, she didn't give any notice and removed all her belonging while we were out getting hung over food one day. We got our pay back though.......
Then came Paul
A bipolar nutcase. He was a really nice guy, but he was six years older than us but acted six years younger. He made for some really great nights out, when he would blow his salary shouting us drinks.
Time in the house -12 months

Pip, Ashley Stacy , Jodie, Ray.
(My last home in Australia)

Ash and I went our separate ways. I moved into an all girl share house. There was Pip; the feisty flight attendant. Ashley; the lesbian professional dancer. And Stacey; the pathological liar with a dalmatian named Dexter.

Ashley got a cruise ship job and left, in moved Jodie. Jodie lost a lot of weight on the duramine diet and was paranoid about putting it back on. She didn't work, went to uni like two days a week, went to the gym twice a day and would try to force us into house weigh ins.

Stacey was convinced everyone was out to get her and moved out/got kicked out for not paying her rent.

In came Ray a girl who claimed to be a devout Christian but was super slutty as well. What ever makes you happy I guess.
Time in the house - 12 months

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